Yesterday we got some news. News we weren’t hoping for. The result after weeks of pills, and shots and monitoring and about ten pounds of hopeful-pre-pregnancy weight gain.

In like a lion, out like a lamb? Not too sure about that one this year. This sunshine is deceiving and it’s still cold as a mutha. And we’re expecting {yet} another winter storm later this week. Let’s just say my fingers are a little numb from googling vacations down in the south and I’m ready to board that jet plane towards sunshine.

Three weeks into the new year and my head has been in a bit of a fog. In fact, if I’m being honest, it's pretty wiped out.

I blame this mostly on a cold/ flu that recently ravaged our household. It was horrible, and painful, and totally kicked our butts.

But I also blame it, in part, on a tiny little two-nager that has moved in to our house. She looks just like our Maddie Mae, but she’s prone to bossiness, mood swings and loves the word “No.” And she snuck right in.

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Sayonara, 2017; and welcome, 2018.  

This past year was a full one. It was full of up and downs; lessons learned; successes and setbacks.  

The wild majority of our year was filled with so much joy. Our girl turned two. My mother finally moved back east. We celebrated five years together and four happy years of marriage. I turned 33, feeling strong and happy as ever. We vacationed and laughed and loved and drank delicious wine. Lots of it. 

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How many of you remember what your wore the night you conceived you children?

Maybe a LBD for your anniversary? A new La Perla set you happily purchased for a special date night? A bridesmaids dress at your best friend's wedding? Or maybe your favorite pair of jeans on a randomly frisky Tuesday night?

So, here we are again.

I promised I'd be more open this time around, so here it is:

This past Monday I found myself in that familiar waiting room; my first appointment back in a while. The first one since I mustered up the strength I needed to try to complete our family a few months ago; only to quickly psych myself out again.

Today my husband and I celebrate four years of marriage together.

Four years filled with laughter and tears; trying and triumphs; challenges and successes.

In those four years we made our girl. I turned thirty. We said goodbye to our first fur baby. We welcomed a crazy black lab to the family. We've become better friends. And better versions of ourselves. 

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First day of school down, and I have to say: both mom and mini didn't do half bad. Actually, if we're being honest, she did better than the former.

I carried her into her classroom, yes; and while she played shy for 15 seconds, as soon as her little pink sneaker hit that floor she was off. And she never looked back.

My girl starts her very first day of school next week, and its making me just a tad emotional.

Yes, I'm very {very} excited to have a few hours to myself, a few days a week- to get some work done, tidy up the house and run the occasional errand that just can't be done with toddler in tow.

Yesterday, I did something foolish- as I do nearly every day.

I desperately tried to enjoy a meal out. At a restaurant. With my toddler.

Throughout my fertility journey I enjoyed a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions, many of which were new to me entirely. And as a result, it momentarily changed me- the very essence of who I was at times; inevitably shifting the relationships I had with those around me. Particularly when it came to my more fertile counterparts.

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If you follow along here, you know that infertility is something I struggled with before finally conceiving our daughter through IVF in 2014. It's a topic that is such a large part of my story, and continues to be something we grapple with as we strive to complete our family. After much soul-searching, we took the leap to try for another baby last fall. 

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The holidays are officially over and we have returned from our vacation in dreamy California. It was a lovely holiday season that, as always, went way too quickly. But we are back at home, and happy to settle back in our routine and into the new year. 

Typically I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions. But I do try to take the start of a new year to refocus on what makes me feel good- inside and out. Sometimes its just a simple tweak that can make all the difference. And because I'm a big believer in writing down what we need and want, here are a few things I'm committing to in 2017:

And just like that: it's 2017. A new year. A fresh  start. A clean slate.

And while I see many abundantly happy to say goodbye to 2016, that really has never been my style. Not even when it comes to the really trying years. Because while some are happier than others, each year- it's triumphs and challenges- give us great opportunity to grow; to become  better versions of ourselves. To identify our strengths and improve on our weaknesses. 

Motherhood. You're a tricky one, for sure. Madeline turns eighteen-months next week; and in those months I've learned a lot. So, so much. And most days, I feel like I've gotten pretty good at this job. But I've also learned that there will be days when I feel like I've learned nothing at all. And I'll feel like I've failed. And objectively, on those days, I might have; at certain things. But I'm OK with these tiny "failures." Because they come with the territory. And if you look at the scheme of things, they're not really failures at all, but are just part of the ride; and the beauty outweighs the ugly. By a mile.

If you're going to be cooped up in the house due to days on days of rain, it may as well be the first week of December- giving us loads of time to delve into some of our most beloved holiday traditions. And because we picked up our tree over Thanksgiving Weekend- as is tree-dition- we were all set to unwrap ornaments, trim the tree, and enjoy lazy morning and afternoons amongst our decorations. Yes, the holidays are in full swing- and not even a few days of rain can bring us down.